If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
