so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
