her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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