It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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