Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
