Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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