I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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