so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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