i just had sex bonerless
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
