Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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