I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
