I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
