umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So much Jack, so little girl.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
