Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
