you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
