As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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