sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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