Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
