He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
