Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
