Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
