Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
