I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
