I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
