marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
