you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
