I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
