I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
