Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
