I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
