You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
