she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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