dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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