On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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