the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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