i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
