Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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