I'm so fucking centered right now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
