I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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