Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
