8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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