Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
