I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
