I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
