She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
