is your mom at the bar?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
