I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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