Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
