i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
