I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
