you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
