I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
