Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
