Soap is not a condiment
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
